Am I still shy or already anxious? Understanding, recognizing and managing social anxiety

Summary: Social anxiety is a learned pattern with physical, cognitive and behavioral symptoms; with targeted therapeutic support symptoms can be recognized, understood and gradually managed.

1 | When social situations become a burden

Feeling insecure or nervous in certain social situations is completely human. A presentation, an important conversation or meeting new people can trigger tension.

However, we speak of social anxiety when this nervousness clearly exceeds the normal level, causes significant distress and leads to avoiding social situations or enduring them only under great inner tension. As soon as you notice that your life is becoming restricted and you withdraw more and more, it can be very helpful to seek professional help.

In psychology this is referred to as Social Anxiety Disorder (social phobia) – one of the most common anxiety disorders. It is not a sign of weakness, but the result of certain psychological learning processes. And important for you to know: our brain is designed to learn again and again. Just as one learns fear, one can also learn to manage it. In this respect, support through psychotherapy can be a good help in overcoming anxiety.

2 | How to recognize social anxiety?

A central feature of social anxiety is the pronounced fear of negative evaluation by other people. Those affected worry intensely about embarrassing themselves, drawing attention in an awkward way or being perceived as insecure, incompetent or “strange.”

This anxiety occurs especially in situations in which one could be observed or judged, for example:

• speaking in groups
• exams or presentations
• small talk
• eating in company
• making phone calls
• meeting new people

2.1 | How you perceive social anxiety in your body

Social anxiety typically appears on three levels: in the internal bodily experience, in thoughts and in behavior.

The body reacts with clear stress responses:

• palpitations
• shaking
• sweating
• blushing
• shortness of breath
• nausea
• a “blackout” feeling

These reactions are expressions of the body's alarm readiness – even though there is objectively no danger.

2.2 | Which thoughts and internal evaluations social anxiety triggers

Typical are strongly self-critical and fearful thoughts such as:

• “Everyone can see how nervous I am.”
• “I will definitely say something stupid.”
• “If I make a mistake, I will completely embarrass myself.”

Often a pronounced self-focus develops: those affected direct their attention almost entirely inward and continuously monitor their own behavior, their effect on others and physical symptoms like palpitations or shaking. As a result, the connection to the actual external situation is increasingly lost. There is hardly any realistic checking of how other people actually react or what is really happening in the environment. Instead, a kind of inner “bubble” is created in which mainly feared evaluations and bodily stress reactions are perceived. This narrowed external perception leads to the person experiencing their worries as confirmation (“Everyone notices my insecurity”), although there are often no objective indications for this. In this way the anxiety intensifies further and sets a self-maintaining spiral of anxiety in motion.

2.3 | Anxious behavior

Anxiety is extremely unpleasant. Therefore those affected try to reduce or get rid of this anxiety. And exactly this strategy also prevents them from overcoming the anxiety. Safety and avoidance strategies maintain the anxiety. And with it the suffering. What is typically observed:

• eye contact is avoided
• speaking little, finding the right words or staying relaxed is difficult
• invitations are declined with invented reasons
• sentences are preformulated in the head because spontaneity in social situations is lacking
• use of alcohol to seem more relaxed

These strategies help in the short term but maintain the anxiety in the long term.

3 | The anxiety spiral – the “vicious circle of anxiety” according to Margraf

Social anxiety (as well as other anxiety disorders) is maintained by a self-reinforcing process that in psychology is described as the vicious circle of anxiety (among others by Margraf).

The cycle usually begins with a social situation that is appraised as potentially threatening, such as a conversation in a group or a presentation.

1. Threatening appraisal The situation is mentally interpreted as dangerous, e.g.: “I will embarrass myself,” “Everyone sees my insecurity,” “I seem incompetent.”
2. Physical anxiety reaction This appraisal activates the body's stress system: palpitations, shaking, sweating or blushing occur. These reactions are normal physical anxiety symptoms.
3. Misinterpretation of the symptoms The physical changes are then evaluated themselves as a problem: “Now everyone notices how nervous I am.” “I am losing control.”

This increases the anxiety further.

4. Self-focus instead of external perception Attention is strongly directed inward to symptoms and self-observation. The actual reaction of the environment is hardly perceived or realistically checked. A subjective feeling of being strongly observed and negatively evaluated arises.
5. Avoidance or safety behavior Those affected speak less, avoid eye contact or leave the situation early. In the short term the anxiety decreases – in the long term, however, the brain learns: “The situation was really dangerous, only by avoiding it did it go well.”

This closes the circle. The fear of future situations grows – the anxiety spiral starts again at the next occasion, often faster and more intensely.

It is not the situation itself that maintains the anxiety, but the interpretation, the strong self-focus and the avoidance behavior. This is exactly where behavioral therapeutic methods intervene to break the cycle.

4 | How does social anxiety arise? – scientific explanatory approaches

Social anxiety usually arises from an interaction of several factors.

4.1 | Learning-theoretical explanations

Negative social experiences – such as being laughed at, harsh criticism or public humiliation – can lead to social situations being associated with danger. The brain learns: “Social attention is risky.”

Observational learning also plays a role. Those who experience very anxious or self-critical reference persons often adopt similar patterns of appraisal.

4.2 | Cognitive theory

People with social anxiety tend to have distorted assessments:

• They overestimate how much others observe them.
• They expect particularly negative evaluations.
• They underestimate their own social skills.

At the same time attention is strongly directed inward. Physical symptoms are perceived more intensely, which further amplifies the anxiety.

4.3 | Biological factors

Some people are naturally more sensitive to stress or have a higher general level of anxiety. This disposition alone does not automatically lead to social anxiety. Crucial is the interaction with experiences and ways of thinking.

5 | What helps with social anxiety?

5.1 | Good news

The good news is: social anxiety is highly treatable. Effective support today usually goes beyond a simple “face the fear.” In addition to behavioral therapeutic methods, understanding personal background, building self-worth and accessing one's own resources play an important role.

5.2 | A first step

A first step is to understand your own anxiety reaction. Palpitations, shaking or sweating are normal bodily stress reactions of the nervous system and not signs of personal failure. This knowledge already relieves many sufferers because they no longer have to interpret their symptoms as proof of weakness or loss of control.

5.3 | Thought patterns

It is also helpful to recognize and question typical thought patterns. People with social anxiety tend to evaluate themselves very critically and to overestimate how negatively others see them. In therapy one learns to examine such automatic fears and to develop more realistic, helpful perspectives. This not only reduces anxiety but also changes the inner relationship with oneself in the long term.

5.4 | Gentle exposure

Another important component is the gentle approach to social situations. Gradually gaining new experiences – from a short conversation to more demanding situations – helps the brain learn that social contacts are usually not as threatening as expected. It is not about “enduring at any price,” but about self-determined, well-prepared steps that strengthen security and self-efficacy.

5.5 | Developmental history

At the same time, many therapeutic approaches also look at the developmental history of social anxiety. Early experiences of criticism, humiliation, rejection or high performance demands are often found. Such experiences can anchor the feeling of not being good enough or being particularly closely observed. Understanding these connections can be relieving and help re-evaluate old self-images.

5.6 | Self-worth and compassion

Closely linked to this is building self-worth and self-compassion. Many sufferers have a very strict inner critic. Therapeutic work, a holistic psychotherapy in Bochum supports developing a kinder and more realistic attitude towards oneself and experiencing social situations less as evaluation situations.

5.7 | Strengthening resources

Finally, it is about strengthening personal resources: recognizing one’s own abilities, consciously registering positive social experiences, learning to set boundaries and giving oneself more space. Those who feel more secure internally experience social situations less as a threat.

5.8 | When professional help is advisable

Professional support is especially helpful when social situations are strongly avoided, work life or relationships suffer, panic attacks occur in addition, or alcohol is regularly used to cover up social insecurity. In a protected therapeutic setting, both concrete coping strategies and deeper self-worth and relationship issues can be addressed.

Psychological counseling or psychotherapy offer a safe framework to break anxiety cycles.

6 | Conclusion

Social anxiety is not a fixed personality trait, but a learned pattern. With understanding, new ways of thinking and brave small steps the brain can learn:

Social situations are not dangerous – I may simply be myself.

If you recognized yourself in this text and would like an initial consultation about your situation, we will clarify your questions in a free initial session.